Top Ten Tips for Boating in Bad Weather

#10…If you’re out on the lake and a big wind blows up, hoist the sail,  maybe it will take you to shore. Then again, maybe it will just blow your butt into the water.

 #9 … If the wind rips your sail, rendering you motionless on the choppy waters, have all the fully endowed women tie their bikini tops to the rigging. Then, off you go! 

 #8 … If the keel of your boat reaches more than a couple of feet under the surface, I suggest you stay away from the Lake Greenwood sandbar off shore of the forks. You’ll get stuck with all the party people in the water, and become intoxicated just from being close to them.

 #7 …U.S. Coast Guard statistics indicate that drowning was the reported cause of death in almost ¾ of boating fatalities. Really? Who would have guessed!

 #6 …Drowning is not suspected in very many traffic deaths…..maybe a few, but not a very high percentage.

 #5…If you’re boating and a big storm suddenly descends on you, go ahead and put your life jacket on. You’re probably going to need it real soon.

 #4 …When you’re on a boat, one beer can impact you as much as three beers on dry land. Think of all the money you could save!  

 #3 …They keep saying water and alcohol don’t mix.  I agree. Orange juice is a better mixer.

 #2 … Be sure you keep a weather radio with you on the boat out on Lake Greenwood. That way, you can get a warning if a bad thunderstorm is in the area. Or if there is a big mud slide at Maggie Valley, NC.

 And the #1 suggestion about boating in bad weather:    Don’t Do it!