10. A copy of a Driving with No License Ticket. If you don’t have a license, how can you show it?
9. If you live in Chicago, a copy of your death certificate is acceptable.
8. A copy of an active warrant from Johnson Detention Center. I hear there are thousands of those.
7. A picture of yourself standing in front of a working Laurens fountain holding a current copy of the Greenville News. That won’t work; The Greenville News is never current.
6. A copy of the WLBG morning news featuring you. A lot of folk have made our morning news show. Their name is usually followed by their bond amount.
5. A copy of your IPTAY card from Clemson. If you are not ashamed to pull that out, we know you are who you say you are. Did I mention The Gamecocks are no.3 this week.
4. In your case Randy, you would never need an ID. Everyone has seen you on the radio.
3. If you are a West Main resident, just park your car near the door of voting place. They can tell by bird droppings where you live. Can you say buzzard?
2. A copy of your Elmo’s Crab Shack and the Slut Hut membership card. Everybody in this county knows if you show one of those that Elmo works really hard to check addresses of all those John Smiths that come there.
1. A copy of your utility bill. No, that won’t work; it would probably be in your son’s name.