Top Ten Thoughts on the People Stealing Air Fresheners

#10…Perhaps Deputies need to check the pastures around Gray Court for livestock that has succumbed to mistreatment by some very sick individuals. Even the cutest cow will reek after being dead a few days.

 #9 …One wonders if perhaps the SUV listed in that police report has been used in transporting seafood from the coast up to Laurens County. You have the smallest leak from the big package of shrimp and you’ll never rid yourself of the smell.

 #8 … We suspect this man and woman (noted in the report) have been partying at Elmo’s Crab Shack. You know, there are some smells that stick to you and just won’t go away.

 #7 …Perhaps these shoplifting suspects are operating a hog farm on their land, and they’re trying to appease the neighbors. Sad, too, because the Hathaway Berkshires these folks have are such loving, intelligent creatures. Many people keep them for pets!   While they’re young, they’re the cutest little piglets you’ve ever seen. Look a little like Boston Terriers when first-born.

 #6 …With the colder weather, we suspect these suspects butchered a hog, then made the mistake of cooking up a batch of fresh, delicious chitterlings inside the house. And it’s too cold to open all the windows!

 #5…Perhaps a Honey Wagon apparently overturned on Neely Ferry Road, Hickory Tavern and the wind shifted, wafting the scent right over where these folks live.

 #4 … Perhaps deputies should check homes that are located near some of our large poultry producing industrial sites here in Laurens County to find these air-freshener-stealing suspects.

 #3 … The Buzzards have left West Main in Laurens and are circling this woman’s trailer. We don’t know why, but maybe there’s something smelling ripe in there.

 #2 …Perhaps this man and woman are just misguided manufacturers of methamphetamine. They meant to go in the store and lift a bunch of Sudafed, but got confused and started grabbing the air wicks by mistake. One can certainly understand how someone could easily get confused!  

 # 1 …It’s really very simple, explaining the need for so many air fresheners. It’s like this: A trip toGreenville….a romantic, candle-light dinner for two at theIndiaPalace…feasting on Chicken VandaLoo… perhaps a shared bottle of Cianti…. A wonderful experience…with some sad repercussions.