Top Ten Good News Items – with Bad Repercussions

#10… The good news is a US Border Patrol plane touched down safely this weekend at the Greenwood airport. Bad news is that just after touchdown, the pilot heard a bump, looked back to see flames behind him. Seems he had struck a deer on the runway, or maybe it charged hard and hit the plane. Are the deer drinking stump water again? 

#9 … The good news last week that people won’t be tempted to eat Twinkies anymore, ruining their diet.  The bad news is that 18,500 people lost their jobs when the Twinkie factory broke down. Even worse, this destroys the “twinkie defense” used so successfully in San Francisco several years ago in the Harvey Milk shooting.  

#8 … Good news is America still has a larger economy than China. The Bad news, Watts Mill has still not reopened, and the prospects are somewhere south of highly unlikely. 

#7 …Good news is Randy has not run into another Golden Retriever lately.  The bad news is the deer population continues to grow. 

#6 … Good news is Republican and Democrats are working together to avert going over the Fiscal Cliff. Bad news is, we’re still facing trillions in debt with no painless way to pay.  . 

#5 …The good news is that everybody, in a spirit of generosity and affection; is going out to buy a bunch of nice presents for their family and friends. The bad news is, most will pay for it with their credit cards.   

#4 …The good news is that we haven’t had a murder in Laurens County for the past 24 hours. The bad news is we have persons in the county that have identified people they think need killing.   

#3 …The good news is we’re going to have a great meal for Thanksgiving this Thursday. The bad news is, the leftover turkey will keep recycling for many, many days afterward. Thank goodness for refrigeration! 

#2 … The good news is that the Governor’s Office is allowing us to get internet protection at no cost to us for a whole year. The bad news is that for 3 ½ million of us, our social security numbers are already out there in the public domain, so after this one year, we’ll all have to start paying for this protection!  

# 1 … The good news is that all our families are going to get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The bad news is that this also includes our relatives who demonstrate the capacity to make us appear to be a dysfunctional family.