Top Ten Announcements the Governor May Make this Afternoon

#10…That Mark Sanford is being appointed as South Carolina’s Ambassador of Love to Argentina

 #9 …That  Senator Jake Knotts is suffering from an Incurable Social Disease

 #8 … That SC DOR is leaving the high-tech world of computers and bringing back big bulky ledgers and 3×5 index cards

 #7 …That the governor did not buy the 6500 honey buns that were on her credit card bill that arrived yesterday. 

 #6 …That the Little River Park is being opened for commercial fishing and sightseeing. Prosperity is straight ahead for Laurens County!

 #5 …That methamphetamine has been legalized in South Carolina and will become a new revenue source for the state. We may be the headquarters for this new growth industry. Colorado can have marijuana, we’re going to meth!

 #4 …That the $40 hotel charge on the Governor’s expense report was NOT for accommodations at the “no-tell” motel in Orangeburg.   

 #3 …That the Governor is hiring experienced computer hackers, instructing them to hack into the state revenue system of North Carolina in an attempt to balance our budget without new taxes being levied or draconian cuts to state services to the people. 

 #2 …That the SC Education Lottery is changing it’s name to the SC Debt Reduction Lottery, and the City of Irmo is being fitted with slot machines and black jack tables.  

 # 1 …That the Governor actually has now secured all the credit card and social security numbers stolen from our citizens and she will give us first dibs at buying back our own identities. Otherwise, they go to the highest bidder, perhaps the Chinese Government.