Top Ten Explanations A Man Would Relieve Himself in Someone’s Front Yard

Based on a News Story Over the Thanksgiving Holiday

#10…Its probably a matter of age, Randy. Maybe 65 or so, the bladder…the prostate… things combine and leave some of us without the perseverance we once had.

 #9 …Maybe the man was a health nut. You know, all health specialists recommend drinking 8 glasses of water a day. What goes in must come out.   

 #8 …The long spell of dry weather has had negative impact on many lawns. Maybe this guy just doesn’t understand the chemical makeup of urine. He’s probably just a good-natured citizen who just didn’t understand all the facts just trying to help out.

 #7 …The man was probably just remembering his childhood, when an outhouse stood on that exact spot. 

 #6 …He was part of an on-line, undercover, pornography sting operation. He was the bait, and unfortunately a policeman not in on the sting happened to show up. Oh, it’s all so very embarrassing. 

 #5  …Three cups of coffee, walk out of the house, no facility in sight, 70-years old – go figure. You do the math, Randy. 

 #4 …He was part of the L.B.T. N. movement. That’s the Laurens Back to Nature Movement. They don’t like confined spaces. These are the kind of folks you’ll hear arguing on behalf of free range chickens, Randy.  He’s a misunderstood charter member of L.B.T.N.

 #3 …Perhaps this fellow thought he was behind some bushes. It was dark, Randy, and the poor fellow had walked out without his glasses.

 #2 …A most unfortunate situation, Randy. This man first attempted to use the bathroom inside the house. Unfortunately, and I don’t wish to give too many details here, but the person who had previously visited the facility had been to Greenville the previous night and had dined on Chicken Vandalu at the India Palace. The poor fellow had to run out of the house to get a fresh breath of air, then just couldn’t wait any longer. 

 # 1 …Sad to say, Randy, but….Alcohol may have been involved.