Top Ten Ways to Look for the Stolen H.T. Decorations

#10…This is a job for the SSCDRU, the Special Stolen Christmas Decorations Recovery Unit of the Sheriff’s Office. Theyneed to stake out all stores that sell air pumps. These inflatables always develop a leak.

 #9 … If a large white male with a corncob pipe and two eyes made of coal shows up at the Laurens County Hospital ER, the ER doctor needs to call the Special Stolen Christmas Decorations Recovery Unit at 77-SSCDRU.  

 #8 … Anyone who sees a fire truck floating in Boyd Mill’s Pond should call 77-SSCDRU right away. You’ve probably got information about where these decorations are.

 #7 …Some of these days with the temperature up near 70 degrees, if you see a big six-foot snowman in someone’s yard, you may very well be looking at a stolen snowman. It’s time to call the SSCDRU – the Stolen Christmas Decorations Recovery Unit. 

 #6 …If someone shows up for the Hickory Tavern Parade this Saturday morning with a float containing a big 10 foot Mickey Mouse Santa Claus,  you could go vigilante and take it back, or call in the professionals, the SSCDRU – that’s the Stolen Christmas Decorations Recovery Unit.

 #5  …These inflatables are always developing slow leaks, Randy.  The SSCDRU should check all tire shops for someone bringing one in to have a leak fixed.

 #4 …We suggest that the psychologists at the County Health Department should be extra attentive should anyone start mentioning Penguins in connection with some perverted Christmas fantasy. They should keep the number “77-SSCDRU” handy to call the Special Stolen Christmas Decorations Recovery Unit. 

 #3 … As for the Santa and Fire Truck Inflatable with three Penguins rotating on the fire truck when it’s fully inflated, we suspect the Penguins were probably homesick. The SSCDRU should head to Charleston and check carefully  all ships bound for Antarctica.

 #2 …If a ten foot Mickey Mouse Dressed Up like Santa Claus shows up to see the Laurens Lights this weekend, someone should immediately call 77-SSCDRU.

 # 1 …We don’t want to get our friends from Hickory Tavern and others in Joanna upset with each other, but the SSCDRU needs to check out the special Walt Disney Days Celebration in Joanna. We understand Luau night has been greatly expanded for the Holiday Season. They may be tempted to borrow things, I don’t know.