#10… Elmo Arbogooble – Strom Thurmond has passed on, it’s time to get another elderly statesman in the Senate from South Carolina. Extreme conservative, even primitive – he’ll see things you and I don’t see.
#9 … Former Lt. Governor Ken Ard – or should I say “Temporary Lt. Governor.” With the record of campaign finance abuse he has, he’ll never get elected on his own. He’s also extremely good at fund-raising. This clears the way for Nikki Haley to run in two more years.
#8 …Former Lt Governor Andre Bower. Think of all the money we could save on travel from South Carolina to Washington, since he flies his own plane!
#7 ….Current Lt. Governor Glenn McConnell. You know, he didn’t want to leave his powerful position in the State Senate to become the Lt. Governor, but did the right thing by our state taking that crummy job. Here’s an excellent opportunity to reward him for his loyal duty by giving him a place in the United States Senate!
#6 … The Lizard Man of Lee County. In times like these, we need a Senator of Mythical Proportions One who thinks outside the box.
#5 …Joanna man. Think of it! We’ll bring back the filibuster! It will be so natural.
#4 …LexingtonCounty Senator Jake Knotts. Let’s put aside our differences, Randy. Can’t we all just get along?
#3 …Sheriff Ricky Chastain. He’d become famous nationally as “Our Wrestlin’ Senator from South Carolina.” You know, there are a lot of problems that Congress needs to wrestle with.
#2 …Randy Stevens. It’s time we had a Senator who thinks things through and expresses himself forcefully, no matter whom he might insult. And Randy is so thrifty! He’ll help whip the country into financial shape. All he needs to do is get some new spark plugs for Rusty, so he doesn’t break down on the Washington Beltway. Maybe a little grease on the chain, too. And I’ll even spring for a T-1 line so Randy can do his show from Washington!
# 1 …Joe Sam Queen. He’s one of us!