Top Ten Defense Arguments for Someone Charged with Buying Too Much Sudafed

#10…As he said, “I have a bad cold in my nose.” Apparently a really bad cold. The man has just got to have some relief

 #9 … He was confused. He had no idea you had to sign up at the pharmacy to buy Skittles.

 #8 …He was having a hard time sleeping, what with all the Christmas lights and everything. So he forgot he already had enough Sudafed in the medicine cabinet

 #7 …He tripped walking down the Sudafed aisle and knocked a bunch into the floor. He was just trying to clean up his mess. What a good, well-intentioned citizen. Really a borderline clean freak.  

 #6 … He just got new glasses and is not yet accustomed to the prescription. He thought he picking up extra strength Tums that he needed to calm his stomach.

 #5  …Some Meth Lab Operators keep stealing his Sudafed, so he kept having to replace it. What an unfortunate misunderstanding!

 #4 …His wife had asked him to buy her some Mydol. Then a lady he knows from church showed up. He was embarrassed to be buying Mydol and quickly grabbed the Sudafed, instead. 

 #3 …Sudafed? I thought this was Vitamin C. That’s good for a cold, you know.

 #2 … He had some digestive problems and was actually looking for Seri tan. That’s a vegetable laxative, apparently easily confused with Sudafed. Now his problem is even worse. He still needs to go real bad, but there’s absolutely No Privacy at the Johnson Detention Center. This poor man is to be pitied.

 # 1 …He wasn’t using the Sudafed. Meth Heads were buying his Sudafed, doubling his money. I thought America was all about free enterprise! What are you, a bunch of Democrats or Communists?