Top Ten Things I Want to Do Before the World Ends this Friday

 #10… I’m going to get myself kidnapped by the Dallas Cheerleaders, who will hold me as a sex slave. Lots of alcohol and some extreme deep hypnosis will have to be involved for them to want to do such a thing. Maybe even blindness and a deep sense of sympathy. I’m going out to get myself some red speedos to wear.

 #9 … I’m going to get a pretty pontoon party boat and cruise the shores of Lake Greenwood looking for young ladies, then ask ‘em “Hey, wanna take a boat ride?!”

 #8 …I think I want to throw a big party for all the WLBG listeners. I’ll go to all the grocery stores in the county with my credit card and buy up supplies so it will be Free Eggs!  Free Eggs for All!

 #7 …I’m going to see if I can get my money back on my cemetery plot.

 #6 …I’m going to buy a brand new Mobile WLBG Van, wrapped with our logo. I’ll spare no expense, since I’ll be buying it on credit. Oh, and I’ll have a GPS device located so I don’t loose it. No time to waste.

 #5 … Late this Thursday night, I’m going to have a big bonfire and burn every tie I own!  

 #4 … I’m going to eat an entire bucket of biscuits and gravy from Whiteford’s. I love those things, but limit myself for dietary reasons. Now, there’s no restraint needed! I think I’ll order extra sausage, too.

 #3 …I’m going to throw a party Thursday night and open every bottle of wine I’ve been saving for some special occasion. This is not the time to procrastinate. I’ll even open every bottle of Mad Dog 20-20 in my wine cellar.

 #2 …Just for the sheer joy of it all, I’ll go out to the animal pound and let all the dogs go free. I’ll may even let the cats go, too.

 # 1 …If, as the time draws near, it becomes very obvious that the end is, in fact, going to happen, I’m going on the air with a live call-in show where anybody Randy has ever offended can call in and tell him exactly what they think about him. We will cut the filter off, so it’s ‘no holes barred, and Katie bar the door.”