Top Ten Tips for Dieting

#10… Go on a Whiskey Diet, lose three days.


#9 …  You have to stop having intimate dinners for four, unless there are three other people.


#8 …Sausages, cheeses and the like are all fattening unless impaled on frilled toothpicks. The insertion of a sharp object allows the calories to leak out the bottom.


#7 … A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirrow. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.


#6 …No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. 


#5  … Be careful about reading health books, you might die of a misprint.


#4 … Always stand next to a person who is fatter than you whenever possible.


#3 …A chocolate cake that you did not order has no calories, therefore; let your friend order the cake and you eat half of it.


#2 … Stop congratulating yourself and put your other foot on the scales.


# 1 … Don’t try telling your mate that you have been dieting and are just too weak to have sex.