Top Ten Things Red Necks Could Do – Other Than Doing Meth

#10… They could always go fishing. You get a “healthy high” when you pull in a big ole bass, or maybe a string full of crappie. When you get your high from fishing, you don’t loose weight like when you’re doing meth, because you can eat the fish after the fun of catching them. Unless you don’t properly clean the fish.

 

#9 … In the summer, any ‘good ole boy’ worth his salt enjoys ‘noodling’ where they dunk under the muddy water of a farm pond, or maybe Boyd’s Mill Pond, and reach into underwater caves to grab catfish by their bare hands. Takes a real man to do that, Randy!

 

#8 …They can enter a cow milking contest. It’s really rather simple, once you “get the hang” of it. Most cows generally prefer the warm hand Luke approach. You just have to be very careful not to try this with a bull. 

 

#7 … They could study the various meanings of sequestration.

 

#6 …Making old cars run again. There’s even a number of TV shows about people rescuing old cars from junk yards. Think of the all the fund in this and the positive impact this hobby could be!

 

#5  …Have a spitting contest. See which guy can spit the longest distance. I think you get more distance if you’re chewing tobacco. You certainly have more incentive to spit real hard.

 

#4 … Even more manly, have an ultimate urination contest. There are two categories. Distance and Accuracy. We understand this is already a popular event at the Lodge in Joanna late on Saturday nights, especially during Budweiser Fest.

 

#3 … They could get a hobby – like stealing copper from air conditioners.

 

#2 … They could beat up on their wives. There are special t-shirts made for men to wear just for this occasion!

 

# 1 … Guys could go to the Laurens County Dog Pound and play with those cute dogs you’ve been talking about. You know, a dog creates a peaceful feeling that takes away the need for drugs.  Peace & comfort abounds, when you are hugging the hounds.