Top Ten Alternate Ideas for Politicians to Raise Money

 #10… For $5,000 former President Bill Clinton will share a burger with you at McDonalds. (at least if he was already in the neighborhood.)

 #9 … For just $2500, former South Carolina Governor and new Congressional Candidate Mark Sanford will accompany you while hiking two miles on the Appalachian Trail. Talk will be extra.

 #8 … For $15,000, President Bill Clinton would let you ride around Washington with him in a convertible, waving a girls you passed by.

#7 … For only $500, former Vice President Dick Cheney will let you accompany him on a grouse shoot in Texas. For an extra $1,000, he’ll pepper you from a distance with birdshot and you’ll become famous!

 #6 … Did you hear that President Lyndon Baines Johnson would have a drink of liquor with you for only $2,000, as long as you furnished the hooch?. For an extra $3,000, he would let you get your picture taken with him standing beside you with his hand on your shoulder, as if he were conversing with you.

 #5  …We understand that Representative Joe Wilson will promise not to yell out “you lie,” provided you pay him $10,000 before the speech begins. 

 #4 … For $500 former State Senator Jake Knotts will come speak to your church group about the ethics of politics. For another $250, he’ll give his own personal testimony and will refrain from using the term ‘towel head.’ 

 #3 …For $2,000, First Lady Barbara Bush would like you pet her dog, Millie. For an extra $500, you could have your picture made petty Millie. Such a sweet dog.

 #2 … We understand President Obama is going to rent out some of his security detail. We understand that Snoop Dog has been using a couple of them for only $20,000 a day. And this is open to the public. Have you had any threats, lately?

 # 1 … Some folks don’t realize there are special closets near the main entry way into the White House. And for only $1,000, you can spend an exciting 15 minutes in one all by yourself. You’ll get a Certificate of Authenticity of your special time in the President’s Closet.