Top Ten Birthday Surprises Today!

#10… I received a phone call from my daughter in Panama wishing me Happy Birthday. She found some cell signal to use while in a Howler Monkey Sanctuary in the Highlands of Western Panama. I felt honored that she talked with her aging Dad when she could have been listening to the Monkeys Howl. 

 

#9 … The Fire Department has denied our permit to burn candles on my birthday cake tonight. Something about a Red Flag Advisory.  

              They said all the firefighters are worn out from that big fire in Myrtle Beach.

 

#8 … I received a notice from the Social Security System about the benefits they’re offering. It was answer to a question I did not ask. I did not ask, and I did not like the response.

 

#7 …I was stunned that there was no surprise birthday party when I made my daily stop at the Johnson Detention Center in the early morning hours. You’d think, after all these years, someone would have remembered. 

 

#6 …A deer surprised me with her surprise dance across the road in front of me around 2:40 this morning. I don’t think the dance across the roadway was in my honor. She didn’t appear the least bit interested in my approach. But I sure got excited.

 

#5  …I had quite a surprise when Randy had a stripper come do a dance for me as I was doing the news this morning. I want to thank Randy for the gift, but I do request that next time, how about hiring a woman. I prefer them to the male stripper.   

 

#4 … I was also surprised, Randy, when I found out the stripper you hired was not from Laurens County. Remember, we always need to practice our “Shop Laurens County First” commitment. Elmo tells me you did not even consider hiring one of the After-Hours Party Girls from the Crab Shack.

 

#3 … I was curiously surprised at the family dynamics last night in Joanna. The young man, who was accused of firing a gun after Mom and her boyfriend left, denied he had a gun. Imagine my surprise when the deputies noted they actually did find a gun lying on the ground out in the back yard. I really wonder how that revolver got there! 

 

#2 … There were no Meth Lab Busts in Laurens County yesterday or last night. Imagine my surprise this morning! Could it be folks are wising-up to the dangers of meth? Could we be undergoing some form of spiritual revival? That would be a huge surprise!  

 

# 1 … Imagine my surprise when I received a notice in my mailbox this morning that I am entitled to 20% of any purchase at Bed, Bath and Beyond! Wow! This is huge, Randy! Nothing is the same – a wonderful new world has dawned in my life.

  Not 10…not  even 15…we’re talking 20% off …and anything in the store.

As Barney Fife said, It’s Big, Andy.