Top Ten “Ponderisms”

 …by Jan                      

# 10.  I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

 # 9. There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead.

 # 8. Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 # 7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

 # 6. Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days. No one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

 # 5. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

 # 4. In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 # 3. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out’? Hmmmmm, How about eggs ? . . .

 # 2. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

 # 1. Life is sexually transmitted.