# 10. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
# 9. There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead.
# 8. Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
# 7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
# 6. Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days. No one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
# 5. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
# 4. In the 60′s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
# 3. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out’? Hmmmmm, How about eggs ? . . .
# 2. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
# 1. Life is sexually transmitted.