Top Ten Excuses the IRS Will Not Accept

(for not having your tax return filed by today)

 #10…I was working on my tax return on the kitchen table last night and almost had it all figured out, then while I went to the bathroom the dog came in and ate my homework. 

 #9 … My baby’s mama left me last night while I was passed out… I mean, while I was sleeping. She took the tax forms with her, and left all her children with me.

 #8 … My boyfriend came after me with a knife, so I had to leave in a hurry, and I forgot to take my tax form with me.

 #7 …My girlfriend started beating me with the “stick end” of her broom this morning, and I can no longer remember where my tax forms are. 

 #6 …I am on one of those “Vegetarian” diets, and I’m getting tired of salad and beans; so when I saw the tax forms last night, in a famished state, I shook some salad dressing of them and gobbled them up. 

 #5  …I had to have an operation to save my life, and it cost me all the money I was saving to pay my taxes with.  

 #4 … I was on the way to the Post Office to file my returns and, to quote David Allen Coe, “I got run over by a damned ole train.”

 #3 …I had my income tax almost finished, but I got real tense doing the last bit of math. When I get nervous, I doodle a lot. Now I can’t read any of the stuff I already filled out.

 #2 …It’s not my fault. I turned my W2 over to the tax office at my Mega-Church and they were supposed to have it turned in by now. My guess is someone sent it to the coffee shop by mistake. 

 # 1 … The Mountville Post Office was closed when I went by to file my returns.