Top Ten Ideas for Making Clinton’s Sanitation Division Self-Sustaining

 

#10… Hire New York City Garbage workers to collect Clinton’s garbage. These guys have some interesting ways to pick up extra change along the way. It’s not for use to understand, just benefit from a cash-rich garbage collection system. Those New York Italians are resourceful folks. 

 

#9 …Get the inmates at the Johnson Detention Center to do the work. They’re so bored being locked up they’d probably volunteer for the chance to get out of the pokey for a few hours of fresh air….well, to get out of jail for a few hours each morning.

 

#8 … Package each day’s garbage into small bundles, hundreds of small bundles; then hide a $100 bill in one of them and charge $1 per bundle. Folks love to gamble!

Imagine selling 1,000 bundles for stuff you’d otherwise have to pay to get rid of.

We’ll be rich, Randy!

 

#7 … Turn the entire sanitation division over to Elmo P. Arbogooble. Through his enterprises, he’s already very experienced in dealing with trash from operating “The Crab Shack” and the “Slut Hut.”

 

#6 … One Word: Goats. All the City of Clinton needs to do is provide a goat for each household. Goats will eat anything!  Just don’t use the Fainting goats of Mountville, they’re always falling down on the job.

 

#5  …We could sell the City of Clinton the Illusive WLBG Van. Since it can vanish from sight so easily, I’m sure it could make the garbage vanish, as well.

 

#4 … Have someone go through the trash at each house, then call the residents and threaten to tell the world what is discovered about their personal life unless they pay up. 

 

#3 …Two words: Beer Cans. If Clinton would just issue a fine of 5 cents per discarded beer can, they’d raise a million dollars a year. I don’t know why, but it may be the Joanna influence on Clinton folks.

 

#2 … Issue a Boys Scout Merit Badge for Garbage Collection. Those Boy Scouts are always prepared.

 

# 1 … Have some dude with a little white pickup drive thru folk’s yards scraping up the trash!