Top Ten Ways Mark Sanford Can Save His Failing Campaign for Congress
and pull his chestnuts out of the fire
#10…Two words, Randy: Playgirl Magazine
Let the women see why the Argentine women love Mark Sanford
#9 … Get his buddy Bill Clinton to take Elizabeth Colbert Bush for a hike on the Appalachian Trail
#8 … Mark Sanford could change the subject from his past indiscretions by getting entirely different publicity, by robbing drug stores in Laurens and Mauldin. It’s worked for others from the Lowcountry, allegedly.
#7 …He could introduce a not entirely new concept – cotton mills. I understand Monks Corner is screaming for one right now.
#6 … Mark needs to reveal to the world that he is the illusive, mystical lizard man. That would explain any prior indiscretions for everyone’s satisfaction
#5 …If Mark could announce he’s secured the Summer Olympics for South Carolina, people would forget his negatives. South-of-the-Border at the NC State line would be a natural place, right there in Dillon County.
#4 …He’s been known to have money. Maybe he should purchase the naming rights to the Bi-Lo Center. Imagine all the great country music concerts and monster truck events being held in the Sanford Center. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
#3 …Mark Sanford needs to travel to China, the up-and-coming economic engine of the world. Imagine how our state would benefit if he hooked up with one of those hot Chinese Chicks.
#2 …Two words: Pink Socks. Randy, the gay vote is not 100% Democrat. There are plenty of gay folks holding conservative values….at least in economic matters. Imagine the new campaign theme- “Pink and Proud.”
# 1 … Three words: Nobel Peace Prize.
We have to admit, South Carolina’s relationship with Argentina has never been better.