Top Ten Other Preemptive Surgeries

 

(Following Angelena’s Elective Mastectomy)

#10… As people get older, they’re more and more subject to broken hips. Just one false move, and you’re down in pain. Why not have Elective Hip Replacement now!

#9 … Electrolysis of the Scalp. Your hair is just going to turn gray and/or fall out, anyway. Why bear the expense of routine hair care: Have that mop permanently removed right away!

#8 … What’s more unsightly than nasal hair? Have you ever had the experience of trying to talk with someone on a serious subject, but you could not focus on what they were saying because of severe nasal hair protrusions? Here’s another great place for electrolysis to do its magic.

#7 …We don’t want to dwell on this to any great detail, but why wait for those hemorids to start acting up again. Why not have those hemiroids removed now, before they become a real pain in the rear.

#6 … Isn’t it time you got yourself that perfect smile you’ve always wanted? Your dentist is ready, with the latest in tooth replacement technology. It’s not your father’s false teeth, anymore, Randy.

#5 …Two Words: Cornea Implant.  You know how much trouble folks have as they collect a few years. Sight becomes cloudy…it’s as if you’re living in a thick fog. Why not ditch those losers in your eyeball before they give out of you. Come out of the darkness and appreciate this wonderful world around us. Available in many colors, too!

#4 … Free yourself from having Colonoscopies the rest of your life. Get your own personal colon-cam installed. The technology is here to have your insides displayed on the internet. Available in either infared or an optional lighting system.

#3 … You’re getting old, so why not have those nasty toe nails surgically removed. Haven’t you seen how ugly toe nails become as people grow old.  Someone may look graceful when wearing shoes, but take ‘em off and the scene is almost  unbearable!

#2 … We’re already damaging our knees the way we rush to and fro. Why not go ahead and have preemptive joint replacement now, while we’re younger so that recovery is faster.

# 1 …With the ready availability of adult pampers and other devices like personal pumps, we suggest Preventive Prostate Surgery. You know the trouble men have with their prostates as we grow older. Why prolong the misery do it now, do it now. Then you can depend on depends.