Top Ten Things Not to Wear at the Beach

 By Jan

# 10. Guys, if you just have to wear speedoes, please make sure your behind has been sprayed with tanning stuff cause if not, it might look like the moon is out in the middle of the day.

 

# 9. Make sure you also spray your white legs, don’t want to blind anyone.

 

# 8. Take your ding dongs and ho-ho’s with you, you will need the extra energy, trust me !

 

# 7. Be sure to have plenty of lotion cause that sand gets in every little crack and crevice, if you don’t , you might have some rough times ahead.

 

# 6. Ladies, please make sure your top covers the breasts cause we don’t want little kids begging their Moms for one of those puppies with the brown nose.

 

# 5. If you have an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow, polka dot bikini, be sure it still fits before you waddle out on the beach.

 

# 4. Do take a camera because you are going to need pictures of things that no one will believe unless they see it.

 

# 3. Please do not run up and down the beach loudly humming the theme to Jaws, this scares people.

 

# 2. For goodness sakes you old coots, take the glue for your teeth to stay in, it ain’t cool to drool over the scantily clad ladies and have you teeth fall out !

 

# 1. Guys you can take your socks with you, but don’t put them in your swimming trunks, we ladies really can tell the difference you know !