Top Ten Jokes for National Joke Day

by Jan

 

# 10. What should you give a man that has everything, a woman to show him how to work it.

 

# 9. A woman goes to the doctor and tells him she is really worried about her son because he thinks he is a chicken. The doctor asks how long he had thought this, the lady said for a year. Doctor ask why she didn’t bring him in sooner, she said because we needed the eggs.

 

# 8. Two guys sitting at a bar, one yells to the other, I slept with your Mom.The other guy said nothing, then he yells the second time, I slept with your Mom again. This time the guy says, ok Dad, you are drunk, let’s go home.

 

# 7. An older man was sitting on a park bench watching a young boy walk by that had spiked hair with all different colors in it. The boy asked, ” What are you looking at old man?’ The man said, ” Boy, I used to be in the navy, got roaring drunk one night, spent the night with a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son !”

 

# 6. A man was jogging one morning and ran past the old aged home. He gasped as he saw two old ladies lying on the front lawn naked. He went to the manager of the place and told him. The manager told him it was just two old prostitutes having a yard sale.

 

# 5. A boy calls 911 and asked for help. The lady said alright what is it ? The boy says two girls are fighting over me. The lady said what is the problem with that ? The boy yells, the ugly one is winning !

 

# 4. I was driving earlier and this woman pulled out in front of me. Then I saw that she was texting and driving, I was so mad I threw my beer at her.

 

# 3. A man went to the doctor and told him he was worried about his wife. Told the doc that she had this terrible fear that her clothes would be stolen. The doctor asked, ” how can you tell ?” The man said, ” Well the other day I got home from work a little early and found out she hired a man to stand in the closet to guard them.

 

# 2. This 90 year old man was playing golf one day and kept hearing a voice tell him how to play. He looked down and saw it was a frog talking to him, he picked it up. The frog told him if he would kiss her that she would turn into a beautiful woman and stay with him forever. He put the frog in his pocket and the frog asked him why he didn’t kiss her. He said, at this age I would rather have a talking frog.

 

# 1. Man and his wife sat on the porch resting when a hen came running by, right behind her came a rooster. Woman told her husband he better catch them, he said he would, so he threw out some corn on the ground. Here come the hen and just ran on by the corn but the rooster stopped and was eating. The man looked at his wife and said, ” Honey, please don’t ever let me get that hungry !”