Top Ten Signs Indicating You Need Assistance (Due to Advanced Age)

 #10…You prefer having your meat chopped up for you. Potted meat actually becomes preferable than steak. Not so much due to taste as it is for the texture. 

 #9 …You like orange juice, but you really LOVE Prune Juice. A nice cool glass or two in the morning really improves your outlook for the whole day.  

 #8 …You have a healthy distrust of email, but actually have an irrational hatred of Facebook; although you’ve never seen a facebook site. 

 #7 … Your children know nothing about the internet, but your grandchildren do. 

 #6 … Almost all of your out-of-town trips are for funerals and Doctors visits.

 #5  …You find you have to write all your plans for the day on a pad. Unfortunately, you’re always forgetting to keep up with your pad. 

 #4 … A reluctance to miss Matlock on TV. You have to be there to watch Matlock, I think he’s on the Chicago Channel weekday mornings.

 #3 …You miss some buttons on your shirt each morning.

 #2 … You forget the secure the zipper on your pants after visiting the men’s room.

 # 1 … You have unintended releases of methane in social situations and don’t even realize you have committed a social faux pas. Or maybe you realize it, but just don’t care.