Top Ten People Who Should NOT Be Bragged On

#10… That person who allegedly hit another person up the side of the head with a can of paint this weekend. Unless it was that new, soft, velvet green from Sherwin Williams. 

#9 … Any of those folks to shoplift something at Wal-Mart then take it to customer service and demand a refund.

#8 … That man who was allegedly observed sniffing lighter fluid in his car outside the Hot Spot at Maddens Station early this morning. Why was he so unsteady? Did they say he was wobbly?

#7 … The Greenwood woman who was arrested this past weekend for allegedly biting a Laurens County man on the fleshy part of his arm last December. That has GOT to HURT!.

#6 …That Waterloo man who allegedly did $3,000 damage to an air conditioning system in order to steal $30 worth of copper. The return on investment scale of this crime is so frustrating.

#5 … Elmo Arbogooble for refusing to prepare a permanent, profit-sharing plan for pole dancers at the Crab Shack. Pretty Pathetic, if you ask me. 

#4 … The person who recently left a soiled pampers rolled into a big ball in the parking lot at Wal-Mart.  No one wants to come to the rescue on that matter. Imagine the ecological disaster that happens when we get that extra 4 ½ inches of rain.

#3 …The dastardly people who recently overturned tombstones in a historic Spartanburg County cemetery.

#2 … The person who pinned that small colorful clown to the cork board at Wyatt Mattison’s desk. This created great distress and trauma in our dear friend, Wyatt. You know, Wyatt has clown-a-phobia.

# 1 … That idiot that ran his motorcycle into an innocent, perfectly healthy golden retriever on the Whitmire-Newberry Highway a few years back. I think the dog was traumatized for life.