Top Ten Changes with Beer Sales at Laurens Concerts

 #10… Fog-Men in rubber rafts will be patrolling the Little River in case a drunk falls in.

 

#9 …You know what happens when people drink too much – The City Streets & Sanitation Division is installing special drains in the amphitheater to prevent the wrong stuff draining into the river.

 

#8 … The Police are being equipped with wheel barrows to haul drunks out of the park

 

#7 … A fork lift is being rented for the Larger Size folks who have to be hauled off

 

#6 … The police are Renting specially-equipped Porta-Toilets designed with large xxx-size funnels installed so customers don’t have to throw up in the toilet

 

#5  .. Extra vendors will be on hand to sell salty pretzels & x-tra salty peanuts, because you know the folks swilling down the brew will be wanting some. There is, however, a ban on pickled eggs and pickled pigs feet.

 

#4 … LPD is getting an H-1 “Hummer” that will be retrofitted as a big paddy-wagon

 

#3 …There will be a ban on the sale of all cartons of frozen hash during the concert, and those entering the amphitheater will be searched for cans of paint and boxes of baking powder. They were going to just check folks from Joanna but we argued that would be profiling. Their might be a law against that, I don’t know.

 

#2 … There will be a Kiosk set up at all concerts where beer will be sold. It will be staffed by volunteers from AA, who will consul with our citizens

 

# 1 … City Council is attempting to mitigate any negative consequences from the change by passing a law against bungee jumping in the city limits.