Top Ten Strange Items Found by NYC Police during their ‘Stop & Frisk’ Proccedure

#10…A pet possum being carried by a man from Joanna…he was a loner, and didn’t have anyone he trusted to leave his pet possum with while on his trip. We understand the possum had been quiet & well-behaved during Broadway plays, but that it had acted up quite a bit when the man attended a Yankees game.


#9 … A signed photo of Janet Jackson with her signature covering the evidence of her ‘wardrobe malfunction.’


#8 … An 8 x 10 photo of former Congressman Weiner showing his hidden qualities


#7 …From a slow-talking man they once found a small pamphlet entitled “How to Talk Like a Yankee.”


#6 … A pair of Congressman Weiner’s soiled jockey briefs. The man he bought them on E-bay, and who am I to question that?


#5  …A full-size machete was found in a man’s pants. We haven’t had that here in more than 2 or 3 days, Randy.


#4 …A brand new prayer book…so new it even has the latest authorized prayers to President Obama. A footnote states the prayers are straight from the scripture with minor interpretation. I haven’t read them yet, but I understand they’re beautiful.


#3 … There was the time they frisked a man who was wearing a tin foiled cap. They didn’t find that so unusual, being in New York and all, but this guy was carrying a spare tin-foil hat in his coat pocket.


#2 …On one odd-man with baggy pants the police friskers pulled a bright green wig, a red bulbous nose and a pair of big floppy shoes out of a pants pocket. Stuff just kept coming out, Randy, like an endless string.  


# 1 … A framed 8 x 10 picture of Jesus and Moses surrounding and embracing Barak Obama. A little child and his pet lion are standing peacefully in the background.