Top Ten Reasons the NCAA Didn’t Allow a Former Active Duty Marine

 

 

#10… The last we heard, killing was disallowed on most college football teams

 

#9 … They apparently heard him repeating the Marine Mantra, “Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.”

 

#8 … Being outside cold weather during football season is just too much because of the bad weather he endured while on active duty in middle Eastern deserts.

 

#7 … Maybe they heard him repeating the Marine saying “Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.”

 

#6 …While there have been some modifications of football rules, we don’t believe they’ve relaxed the rule on gun possession on the field of play. That’s in spite of numerous attempts at Clemson. 

 

#5  …They decided they just shouldn’t take a chance on a Marine. They’re known to carry a K-Bar. 

 

#4 …They heard was going to drive his tank on campus. Randy, during this wet weather the grass in just too delicate to be driven over by a big ole tank….can you imagine a beautiful college lawn turned into a mud bath. 

 

#3 …We understand Sgt. Rhodes insisted on playing football in his combat boots. Randy, they couldn’t have that!  Think of how it would disrupt the NCAA contract with NIKE!

 

#2 … If you allow this door to be opened, what’s to stop him from bringing in a whole company of combat-hardened marines to play against those innocent, rosey-cheeked college boys. It would be a massacre! 

 

# 1 … Sgt. Rhodes is accustomed to playing football in sand during his time in the mountains and deserts of Afghanistan. The campus of Middle Tennessee State is not in a desert, Randy. Lots of grass and trees. It’s an entirely different ball game here.