Top Ten Reasons Muslims Didn’t Show in Washington for the Million Muslim March

#10…Most of the million Muslims didn’t show for religious reasons. There were too many Hogs on the streets of Washington yesterday.  

#9 … Four Words: The Westminster Camel Show. All self-respecting Muslims are fascinated by this genteel display of fine camel flesh.  

#8…   There was a Salmon Rushdie sighting in Pittsburgh, diverting many Muslim Men from the March…..Seems like the temptation of 72 virgins from an easy killing was too much temptation for some folks.

#7 …We understand several hundred would-be Marching Muslims didn’t make it because they were traveling to the nation’s capital in a caravan composed of Afghanistan-made buses. They broke down before they could get very far out of their own town. If they’d only been in Buicks!

 #6 …We understand this was a male-only event. With no women coming along, the Muslim men lost their way. Just like with Christians and Jewish men, Muslim men are reluctant to ask for directions. 

 #5  …A lot of Muslims got lost on the way to Washington because the towel wrapped around their head kept slipping down and impairing their vision. 

 #4 … A lot of Muslims couldn’t make it to Washington because Peta would not approve their use of camels for such as long trip. They said the weather was too hot. If you were thinking that it’s hot in the deserts where camels are from, well consider – that’s a Dry Heat! Much more suitable than the moist, muggy heat in DC.

 #3 … It was Mutton Day at all Burger Kings in Detroit. They say that a goat-burger beats an angus burger any day. That’s what we hear – I’ve never tried one myself. 

 #2 … The millions of Muslims were unable to visit DC due to a food crisis. Seems the shipment of dates and feta cheese being shipped to the nation’s capital became infested by ants, and thus the Halal requirements for food purity was thereby inextricably defiled.

 # 1 …Randy, there are not enough minarets in Washington for a million praying Muslims. And the portable minaret they were shipping in was destroyed on the interstate. Seems it was a bit taller than the first overpass it came upon. We understand trucks were backed up for several miles. It was like being in Clinton when the train hit the transfer trailer truck last Tuesday!