#10… No matter what, don’t take any Free Eggs tonight. with all the buzzards around here, you never now where those eggs are from!
#9 … Kids should be careful about consuming any pieces of candy that display a “No Zoning” logo, as this is a clear indication that this stuff is dangerously out of date!
#8 … Parents should having their kids avoid Elmo’s Crab Shack tonight. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
#7 … Children should not accept bottles of Seagram’s Ice as treats tonight. Not only is alcohol banned for children, but these bottles have become ‘weaponized’ in Laurens County.
#6 … Any children who treat-or-treat at the Laurens County Animal Shelter should take care if they try to give you a puppy…..be sure it’s been spayed or neutered.
#5 …Kids out trick-or-treating tonight should avoid black cats. Any black cat can be a bad omen on Halloween, but especially those with a white stripe down the back.
Those are dangerous living OR dead.
#4 … Kids who trick-or-treat at the Ice Cream truck should carefully check to be sure it’s ice cream they have been given. Take a flash light with you if you need it to be sure what you’re about to eat. If its green and leafy, give it back right away!
#3 …If Wyatt Mattison can’t resist the urge to go out trick-or-treating tonight, we urge him to avoid a visit to the Clown Rehab Center; we understand a visit there can be shocking, even for civilians.
#2 … Doctor and Nurses uniforms are OK, but we strongly urge our children to avoid dressing up like you’re from HealthCare.gov – you could become the object of a lot of intensive anger in some parts of our community.
# 1 …To children who will be trick-or-treating in Joanna tonight, we suggest you avoid eating anything they give you smeared onto a cracker. We understand there’s been an outbreak of possum fever in the neighborhood, so we urge caution.