Top Ten Explanations for the Naked Man Reported to Clinton Public Safety

#10… He actually left the house fully clothed, in a fine wool suit. He was attacked by a swarm of Rabid, aggressive moths. Quite Scary….I don’t know about you, but it’s polyester for me from now on!

 

#9 … He had taken Governor Haley’s pledge not to text and he was showing his support proving to all he was not even carrying a cell phone.

 

#8 …He was attempting to start a Nudist Colony in Landau apartments. We’ve heard talk. What a brave man he is. 

 

#7 … Two words, Randy: Male Menopause. Those hot flashes are rough!

 

#6 … It’s just like the king in that ancient fairy tale, Randy. Someone had sold this man an exquisite suit of the finest threads. Unfortunately, he was now surrounded by people with sufficient good taste. .

 

#5  … This was a health concern, Randy. His doctor mentioned he was looking pale so he was stocking up on vitamin D.

 

#4 …He was on his way to Ekom Beach, where he planned to rent some swimming trunks.

 

#3 …Randy, it’s obvious that the neighbor-lady who reported him to the police didn’t realize he was just innocently responding to a situation. The man had just showered and didn’t have any clean towels left, so he was out trying to get a fresh-air dry.

 

#2 … He was getting accustomed to what he needed to do in order to participate in the Mr. Nude America Pageant.

 

# 1 … Alien Abduction, Randy…and he had just been probed.