Top Ten Signs You May Be a Loser

 #10… If you get put on Trespass notice at Wal-Mart for any reason, you may be a loser.

 

#9 …  If you are arrested on a Criminal Domestic Violence charge, and it happens to be your third offense, you should consider if, perhaps, you may be a loser.

 

#8 … If you get a prestigious government position with responsibility of designing an important new website for millions to use in getting their health care, but only a few can log on, you may be a loser. 

 

#7 … If the police have you on a list of folks who have purchased too much Sudafed, you may be a loser.

 

#6 …If the love of your life has taken out a court order that prohibits you from getting with 500 yards of her, you may be a loser. 

 

#5  …If you are NOT a Boy Scout, and you slept outside last night, then you may be a loser. 

 

#4 … If the 1st lady’s anti-obesity committee uses your picture in any portion of their publications, you may be a loser. …A big, fat loser. 

 

#3 … If your freezer contains meat products harvested from the side of the road, (even in this cold weather) you may be a loser.

 

#2 … If, upon encountering a police traffic safety checkpoint, you find yourself being asked to walk a straight line, you just may be a loser.

 

# 1 … If you have been incarcerated in Laurens County and the police charge made reference to a deadly quart of frozen hash, you may be a loser.