Top Ten “Black Friday” Specials You May Not Know About

 

#10…To help our local meth-heads avoid such frequent arrests, how about a special on a Child’s Chemistry set that is, in fact, a disguise for a meth lab. It comes complete with antifreeze, drain-o and lithium. Instead of test tubes it comes with empty Pepsi bottles.

 

#9 … A special on bacon that actually passes the test for Kosher and Falal codes. It’s actually made from goats. Goat Bacon. Puts “Go” in your morning. 

 

#8 … One store has an unbelievably low price on Trojans. The price is too low to believe, until you realize these are recycled.

 

#7 … The book section at K-Mart has a special selection of Bibles at only 30% of regular retail. The special was offered when they discovered this run of Bibles didn’t include the book of Hezekiah. I’m going to get one of these, because I think I can get through the day without any passages from Hezekiah.

 

#6 … Wal-Mart has a super shirt special. Regular $25 shirts slashed to just $1 each, as long as they last. Sure, they were made with three arms, but the third is in the back and no one will see it as long as you keep your jacket on.

 

#5  …Frozen Turkeys are on sale at some of our local grocery stores. Seems like they had prepared for greater demand, and those baby’s want keep until next year.

 

#4 …We understand that Elmo Arbogooble has a BOGO special -  buy one, get one free, on lap dances at the Crab Shack tonight.

 

#3 …We understand some of the Columbia area Cinemas have 75% discounts on movie tickets tomorrow night, for all movies starting around 7 pm. We suspect there is some unusual competition in town tomorrow night.

 

#2 …L & L Office Supply and Davis Business systems are having a heck of a deal on all remaining 2013 calendars. Imagine, you’ve got the whole month of December to enjoy your savings. 

 

# 1 … We here at WLBG, in order to get into the spirit of the season, are getting ready to sell some of our older computers. They have served us well. In fact, one has given good service since I picked it up at the jockey lot in 1998. Hurry, these wont last long at the prices we have on them.

 

  Then come back Monday because all the various computer parts that are left after today will be included in our Monday Sack Sale. Randy, your office alone with fill a couple sacks!