Top Ten Way to Tell Someone’s Trespassing on your Property

 #10… You discover one morning that the tin foil is missing from inside your hat.

 #9 …  If you return home to observe putrid evidence that someone with a digestive problem used your bathroom while you were gone; clogging your porcelain facility, you may have had a trespasser in the house.

 #8 … If you find a big scrape in the hood of your car that wasn’t there the night before.

 #7 … If you return home to find a no-zoning sign at your front door.

 #6 …If you come home and find, on your stove, evidence of a meth lab; someone has probably been trespassing on your property. 

 #5  …If you find members of the Sheriff’s Officer waiting on you when you return home, making implication that you may be a wanted person, perhaps it all stems from something done by a trespasser. 

 #4 … If you come home and see a big Happy Birthday banner stretched between the trees in the front yard and a big Hefty bag overflowing with Budweiser Light cans on the porch, I’m thinking you have some unauthorized visitors.

 #3 …If you leave home for vacation with your lawn perfectly manicured and return a week later to find an active turkey farm in your front yard, you’ve had a trespasser on the scene.

 #2 … If you find Brian Bentley’s Pontoon tied up to a tree in your front yard, you may or may not have had a trespasser, depending on how much rainfall we’ve had.

 # 1 … You can tell someone has been trespassing in your yard at night if you find cats inside your van.