#10… Most rescue dogs are housebroken and puppies are not. With that being said, pour some cold apple juice on the carpet and walk around barefoot in the dark. That’s what its like with a puppy. 

#9…   Intact underwear and shoes, puppies chew. Be prepared to wear a sock to work with the toe shredded. 

#8…    You will get a good night sleep with a rescue dog. A puppy will whine and can be very demanding at 2, 4 & 6am. 

#7…    Cheaper and easier vet trips, puppies need a series of shot and a rescue is ready to go. 

#6…    With a rescue dog what you see is what you get. Puppies are cute and cuddly but they grow up. 

#5…   A rescue dog will not teeth on your children and furniture. 

#4…   Puppy love is appealing; they are so cute but can grow up to be hyperactive. With a rescue dog you’ll know his temperament.

#3…   A rescue dog is an instant companion you can take him everywhere and he’s ready to ride. With a puppy you have to wait to he grows up. 

#2…   With a rescue dog you can come home and relax with your new best friend. With a puppy you have to come home and clean up messes. 

#1…   Not only will you get a great pet, it will make Randy happy to receive the call for animal control stating Jerry has a new home!

#10… I’m tired of the blue lights, they will all be pink. 

#9…   Officers will be required to carry a gun, taser, pepper spray and cherry red lipstick #13 on their belts. 

#8…    Handcuffs will be fur-lined. 

#7…    It’s about time the LCSO had a theme song. If I’m sheriff it will be sung by Justin Bieber. 

#6…    The LCSO Christmas wrestling fundraiser will now involve red and green jello. 

#5…   All deputies will be instructed to be courteous and polite. They will say “Please” and “Thank you” even when busting a meth lab. 

#4…   As part of our community outreach program we will offer seminars of the proper selection and application of makeup. My female officer must look good.  

#3…   As part of the employee benefit package all deputies will be given gym memberships a spa packages. 

#2…   Speaking of a top-heavy administration, I am top-heavy and would look good in the uniform. 

#1…   I have a gun, I have a badge and I have PMS, any questions?

#10…Who won the monster dance contest?

The Boogie Man! 

#9…   What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?

Spare Ribs! 

#8…    Why don’t vampires’ have friends?

Because they’re pains in the neck. 

#7…    What do you get when you mix Frosty the Snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite! 

#6…    What aren’t ghost arrested?

It’s hard to pin anything on them. 

#5…   Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

He didn’t have the guts. 

#4…   Why are monsters huge, hairy and ugly?

Because if they were small, round and smooth they would be M&M’s! 

#3…   Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?

Because they are wrapped up in themselves. 

#2…   What is a black cat’s favorite color?

Purr-ple 

#1…  What’s a vampires favorite drink?

Blood light

#10…  It’s as cold as a witch’s elbow this morning, who wants to get out of bed? 

#9…    The fear Elmo and his entourage of strippers and monkeys that will be at the station. 

#8…    We talk so much hash throwing, there’s the fear you’ll be hit by a quart of frozen hash. 

#7…   Afraid of what your opposition will put in the LC Extra about you. 

#6…    The fear of speaking on the radio, we do have 1000’s of listeners in Lauren’s County. 

#5…   You seriously don’t want to be elected. 

#4…   The fear of the questions the Great Mighty Whitey may ask. 

#3…   Afraid of the 2 ghost that haunt WLBG. 

#2…    You never know when Emil Finley will be coming or going so getting into the parking lot could be dangerous. 

#1…   There are some establishments that have Concealed Weapons not allowed on the front door. WLBG is not one of them!

#10…How do you know a blonde’s having a bad day?

Her tampon’s behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil. 

#9…   What do you call a smart blonde?

A miracle. 

#8…    Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?

Because they have blonde boyfriends. 

#7…    Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?

To put their feet through. 

#6…    Why can’t blondes dial 911?

They can’t find the 11 on the phone. 

#5…   What does a blonde see when she looks in a box of Cheerios?

Donut seeds 

#4…   Why did the blonde write TGIF on her shoes?

To remind her toes go in first. 

#3…   What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?

The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion. 

#2…   How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?

Shine a flashlight in her ears. 

#1…   What do UFO’s and smart blondes have in common?

You hear about them all the time but you never see them.

#10… Have you looked through her briefs? 

#9…   He is one hard judge! 

#8…    Counselor, let’s do it in chambers. 

#7…    His attorney withdrew at the last minute. 

#6…    Is it a penal offense? 

#5…   Better leave the handcuffs on. 

#4…   For $200 an hour, he better be good! 

#3…   Can you get him to drop his suit? 

#2…   The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. 

#1…   Think you can get me off?

#10…  You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 

#9…    If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 

#8…    The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 

#7…   You don’t have to compliment the person that gives you some. 

#6…    It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are. 

#5…   Twenty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy. 

#4…   If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door. 

#3…   It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 

#2…    Less guilt the morning after. 

#1…   You can do the whole neighborhood!

#10… Dancing girls or for us ladies the Chip and Dale dancers. 

#9…   Popcorn, there was no popcorn or cold beer for sale. 

#8…    The cast of Sesame Street, they will be looking for work. 

#7…    Former President Bush, he should have had the opportunity to defend his reign of presidency. 

#6…    Circus monkeys.

#5…   No one referred to Joe Samqueen, he’s one of us. 

#4…   They were going at it but no one threw frozen hash. 

#3…   No libertarian streakers. 

#2…   Shock collars, Obama would have lit up when they were discussing Libya and acts of terror. 

#1…   The caged ring for the fight that almost happened between the candidates.

#10… If a buzzer went off every time a candidate lied.

#9…  You could smell the bull****  as you watched the debate.

#8…  If there was  a swimsuit competition. We have one for Ms. America.

#7…  There was a timer at the bottom of the screen, no more dispute over 5 more seconds.

#6…  If the candidates had to wear a shock collar, it works for training dogs.

#5…  If it were broadcast in black & white instead of color. (This goes along with the topic of the show)

#4…  Big Bird is allowed to attend holding a sign, Will Work 4 Food!

#3…  If we put Obama and Mitt in a caged ring and let them fight it out. The Ultimate Presidential Fighting Challenge.

#2…  Bill Clinton gets to attend, it seems the last debate was to re-elect Bill.

#1…  Replace the word taxes with sex.

#10…  Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. 

#9…    You named your pussycats “Cream” and “Sugar”. 

#8…    You help your dog chase his tail. 

#7…   You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. 

#6…    You think Columbia would be a great vacation destination. 

#5…   You think your hand shaking is a good sign. 

#4…   You can’t remember the last time you blinked. 

#3…   You think being called a “drip” is a compliment. 

#2…    The Scarlet Chord and Steamers has decided to use you as their mascot. 

#1…   You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.