#10… This will only hurt a little bit. 

#9…   I gave at the office. 

#8…    Read my lips, no new taxes. 

#7…    The checks in the mail. 

#6…    We are seeking an affiliation with a major regional hospital. 

#5…   Drinking, why no officer. 

#4…   No your butt doesn’t look big in that.

#3…   I only had one piece,,, of cake. 

#2…   I’ll respect you in the morning. 

#1…   I never inhaled.

#10…Frozen hash throwing contest, this would have brought out the folks from Joanna. 

#9…   Good  looking Gray Court cows. 

#8…    Chip and Dale dancers. 

#7…    A puppy pageant, so many people brought their dogs a contest would have been fun. 

#6…    Free test drives of the classic cars. 

#5…   Flying angel pigs. 

#4…   Live ducks for the duck race, my plastic duck did not win. 

#3…   Outshyne 

#2…   Belly dancers 

#1…   The famous fainting goats

#10…  Come out and see the flying angel pigs, this year’s theme is Hawg Heaven. 

#9…    Audition for the band Outshyne. They are making it big in the music industry and need more musicians. 

#8…    You can prove to the world you are “The Pinball Wizard!” 

#7…   You can earn bragging rights of owning the ugliest tractor in Laurens County. 

#6…    Put your children on Thomas the Train and leave them there. 

#5…   Go Down on the Farm, I hear the Jaycees will be dropping balls on all the farm animals. 

#4…   There’s going to be a real live duck race at the amphitheatre, how did they teach the ducks to race? 

#3…   Test drive one of them classic cars at the car show. Just look for the cars with the For Sale signs. 

#2…    A Corn Hole tournament? Does this have anything to do with the Hawg Calling contest? 

#1…   Attend the ceremony for the winners of the pig killing and grilling contest!

#10…The Obama-phone will never be a smartphone. 

#9…   The Obama-phone has the welfare office on speed dial. 

#8…    The Obama-phone redistributed your rollover minutes. 

#7…    When the Obama-phone drops a call it blames it on the Bush-phone. 

#6…    You have a choice of a Joe Biden Obama-phone, it has a rotary dial. 

#5…   The Obama-phone blocks call from taxpayers. 

#4…   The Obama-phone was made in Kenya, no wait it’s Hawaii. 

#3…   The Obama-phone’s map app is missing Jerusalem. 

#2…   Banks get a trillion free minutes on the Obama-phone. 

#1…   Obama-phones are registered in fake names.

#10… Clean house or even better have a real Tea Party. 

#9…   Run around outside naked singing “Raindrops keep falling on my head!” 

#8…    Go on facebook and pretend you’re a news reporter. 

#7…    Lie in a puddle and yell “I’m drowning!” 

#6…    Drive your truck to work, Randy! 

#5…   Make mud pies then hide in the bushes and throw them at the cars that ride by. 

#4…   Go to the Mattress Warehouse and take a free test nap. 

#3…   Call into the local radio station and act like a fool. 

#2…   Make farting noises and say “Can you hear the thunder roll?” 

#1…   Trick you co-workers into believing the rain is toxic!

#10…  You can ride a motorcycle anytime of the month. 

#9…    Motorcycles curves never sag. 

#8…    You can kick a motorcycle to wake it up. 

#7…    Motorcycles don’t get pregnant, so ride on! 

#6…    You can share your motorcycle with your friends. 

#5…   If you motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler. 

#4…   Motorcycles don’t care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden. 

#3…   Motorcycles don’t care if you buy motorcycle magazines or if you look at other motorcycles. 

#2…    If your motorcycle is too loose you can tighten it. 

#1…   Motorcycles don’t insult you if you’re a bad rider.

#10…  You got to be at least 2 feet tall because at The Crab Shack they toss midget’s. 

#9…    Your boobs can’t sag below your waist. 

#8…    You have to put up with Shauna (I am his future wife)! 

#7…    You must like monkeys. 

#6…    You cannot know more about football than Elmo. 

#5…   You must be able to hang on the pole, upside down.

 #4…   Your wrinkles must be in the right places. 

#3…   You must be able to dance for at least 3 minutes. 

#2…    Elmo had a disagreement on this one; He said minimum age is 70 and I say 45. 

#1…   You can’t lose your false teeth when kissing a client.

#10… Presents for me, even if I have to buy them myself. 

#9…   All of a sudden you’re popular on FB. Thumbs up to everyone for making you feel cool. 

#8…    Forget your diet and say hello to cake! 

#7…    Another year older means another year wiser. 

#6…    Birthday candles and wishes. 

#5…   My sweet daughters making me a birthday cake. 

#4…   Having an excuse for everything, “But it’s my birthday!” 

#3…   It’s P-A-R-T-Y time! 

#2…   If you feel the need to cry, you can. “It’s my party I can cry if I want to!” 

#1…   You can suck all the helium out of your birthday balloons and sing Happy Birthday to yourself.

#10… You realize there’s no toilet paper after the fact. 

#9…   You watch reality T.V., the only people dumber than Honey Boo-Boo are the people watching her show. 

#8…    You believe what President Obama says. 

#7…    You listen to Good Morning Upcountry. 

#6…    You believe Fox News is fair and balanced. 

#5…   You ride a motorcycle to work when there’s a 80% chance of rain. 

#4…   You believe the problems with America are Former President Bush’s fault. 

#3…   You go before County Council to complain because you got your houseboat stuck on the boat ramp at Boyd’s Mill Pond. 

#2…   You thawed out your quart of hash before you beat your wife with it. 

#1…   You believe the riots in the Middle East stem from a YouTube video.