10. A Downingtown Pennsylvania man walked into a Wal-Mart completely naked and stole a pair of socks, put them on and walked out. I recon he had cold feet.

9. In Pensacola Florida, an electric cigarette blew up in a man’s face. He had been using it for the last two years to help him quit smoking.

8. Another Pennsylvania man turned himself into police after reading a story about a robbery at a Chinese restaurant. He said he remembered being there and getting mad when his order took more than ten minutes and the next thing he knew he was at home with a bunch of money.

7. Valentine’s day wasn’t happy for a Wisconsin man after he sent his ex-wife flowers. Police arrested him. He had a no contact order on him.

6. A 15 year old girl broke her father’s rules by using Facebook and posting disrespectful remarks about him. He shot the laptop 8 times.

5. At the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas, a man suffered a heart attack after eating a “Triple By-Pass Burger”.

4. Brooklyn New York gave tours of its sewage treatment plant for valentines. Each guest received a Hershey Kiss at the beginning of the tour.

3. Nine police cars responded to a call about a naked woman tied up in the back of a car and her mouth covered with duct tape. It turns out they were just roll playing, the popo let them play the role of jail bird.

2. Sometimes burglars are good. A burglar in South Bend Indiana broke in a woman’s home, folded her clothes and cooked her supper. Police said it appeared he was a good cook.

1. A Laurens County man thinks so highly of himself that he has begun calling himself MC Stud. Wanna bet it ain’t true?

10. Do Donuts in a public parking lot. Real smoky ones like the Nascar drivers do.

9. Do the donuts while driving a big ugly old Buick with a temporary spare on the right rear.

8. Refuse to stop for the Police when all you have done is a traffic violation. The Police don’t like car chases you know.

7. Drive like a fool all over the county, leaving plenty of black marks where you fishtail around all the corners, nearly losing it.

6. Drive just fast enough , about 60-70 to keep the police from getting in front of you. That really aggravates them.

5. Make sure you slowdown in the school zone at Gray Court to the correct speed while the lights are flashing.

4. Continue driving like a nut until you get to mama’s house and run inside. Maybe she can protect you.

3. Run real fast thru the house to the bedroom, slam the door and try to hide in the bed.

2. When the popo finds you, tell them “I ain’t going to jail”. They would rather hear that than see the Hot & Now sign on at Krispy Kreme.

1. If this allegedly had occurred in our listening area, I bet he messed his drawers when he got tazed. That electricity hurts so good.

10. A Downingtown Pennsylvania man walked into a Wal-Mart completely naked and stole a pair of socks, put them on and walked out. I recon he had cold feet.

9. In Pensacola Florida, an electric cigarette blew up in a man’s face. He had been using it for the last two years to help him quit smoking.

8. Another Pennsylvania man turned himself into police after reading a story about a robbery at a Chinese restaurant. He said he remembered being there and getting mad when his order took more than ten minutes and the next thing he knew he was at home with a bunch of money.

7. Valentine’s day wasn’t happy for a Wisconsin man after he sent his ex-wife flowers. Police arrested him. He had a no contact order on him.

6. A 15 year old girl broke her father’s rules by using Facebook and posting disrespectful remarks about him. He shot the laptop 8 times.

5. At the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas, a man suffered a heart attack after eating a “Triple By-Pass Burger”.

4. Brooklyn New York gave tours of its sewage treatment plant for valentines. Each guest received a Hershey Kiss at the beginning of the tour.

3. Nine police cars responded to a call about a naked woman tied up in the back of a car and her mouth covered with duct tape. It turns out they were just roll playing, the popo let them play the role of jail bird.

2. Sometimes burglars are good. A burglar in South Bend Indiana broke in a woman’s home, folded her clothes and cooked her supper. Police said it appeared he was a good cook.

1. A Laurens County man thinks so highly of himself that he has begun calling himself MC Stud. Wanna bet it ain’t true?

10. Deer Crossing. How do the people who put up the signs know where the deer are going to cross? Or can the deer read?

9. Emergency Vehicles Entering. What are they entering, a contest, a garage, a race?

8. School Zone, Speed Limit 35, 7-8 AM and 2-3 PM. What about the kids who get in trouble and have to stay after school? Do we just not care if they get run over?

7. Stop Ahead. Does that mean you are supposed to hold the head of your passenger or do they mean a different kind of head?

6. Draw Bridge. I can’t even draw stick people, how do they expect me to draw a bridge?

5. Dead End. Does that mean the end of the road or are they talking about a girl like one I use to date?

4. Slower Traffic Keep Right. Now those signs are a waste of money. My mother says she pays taxes on both lanes And she can drive in any one she wants no matter how slow she wants to go.

3. Slow Children Ahead. I’m glad I don’t have to put up that sign. No parent wants to be told their kids are slow.

2. Men Working. What about the women? Isn’t that a sexist sign. I think we ought to occupy the highway department.

1. Yield to pedestrians. Do we really need a sign to tell us not to run over folks?

#10… Al Gore. He’s behind it all. He was talking about needing $7.50 a gallon gasoline years ago!  

 #9 … Pinocchio. Randy said we’re all puppets, he just doesn’t’ know whose  pulling our strings on the oil price issue. I bet Pinocchio is even a bigger puppet in the oil-scheme than Barrak Obama.

 #8 … Everybody knows we need to get high prices on gasoline so we’ll be encouraged to come up with green energy – otherwise, global warming will kill us all! What good is cheap gas when we’re all dead!  

 #7 …If gasoline gets over $5 a gallon, we won’t be embarrassed to ride our bicycles to work. It’s a great way to exercise in order to stay healthy.   

 #6 …You know, part of the products of refining crude oil produces polymers that are used to produce plastics from which a pile of products are made. We’ve got to save enough petroleum to keep producing all kind of plastic stuff.  

 #5… You know, if Big Oil makes a lot of money on their gasoline sales, they’ll be nicer to us and pass out free donuts at their gas stations.   

 #4 … It’s just inflation.  Just plain ole  inflation. 

 #3 … I wonder if the Euro Crisis has anything to do with it. It sure has caused a lot of other problems around the world. Those poor ole folks over in Greece are pulling their hair out.

 #2 …The price of gasoline is being manipulated higher and higher so you’ll pay whatever it takes to buy a car powered by it’s own solar panels and it’s own windmill.  

 # 1 … The President vetoed the proposed pipeline from Joanna to pump possum renderings to recycle centers.

10. It could have been a racial thing. There have been a lot of accusations of that going around.

9. Putting pickles on it. A pickle ain’t nothing but an old cucumber. I don’t like them old and I don’t like them young. Cucumbers that is.

8. Texas Pete Hot Sauce. That stuff burns going down and burns coming out.

7. Maybe she was hiding a little Ex-Lax in the bun. I wonder how she made that woman mad.

6. Maybe she’s a vegan and was replacing the meat with one of those Boca Burgers.

5. Perhaps she was replacing the cheese with some from those happy cows. The real California Dairy Cows.

4. She was trying to find out what was really in that special sauce. Or, maybe she was making it more special.

3. Was it flame broiled or microwaved after being previously cooked? Some of those fast food burgers can be kind of rough.

2. Stealing the meat. Where’s the beef, where’s the beef?

1. Maybe it wasn’t a hamburger after all. It may have been one of those chicken van de camp sandwiches and the woman was just trying to see what smelled so bad.

10. He wants to be a star on MTV’s Jersey Shore. Especially after he saw the sex scene in the tanning bed.

9. Maybe he liked the six pack abs on Situation on TV. Some folks do walk on the other side you know.

8. He was just dying to breathe some of that nice clean New Jersey air. It’s so clean up there.

7. The trains down here don’t slow down enough you can paint them like you can in New Jersey.

6. He couldn’t find any sauerkraut to put on his Hot Dog down here. All he could get was chili.

5. He just loves the ambiance of a crowded greyhound bus. It reminds him so much of waiting room at the ER.

4. He just never was able to understand how normal folk talk. He wanted to go back up north where they speak that foreign language, Yankee.

3. Hormones. They will make a boy do almost anything.

2. Maybe he was going to look for a Real House Wife of New Jersey. He heard they were all Cougars.

1. Maybe he heard Jersey girls were easy. Man was he wrong.

 #10….Top Ten Reasons Size doesn’t matter

 #9…..Top Ten Reasons that last top ten is a load of hogwash.

 #8…..Top Ten reasons no one from Gray Court has been prosecuted for animal intimacy.

 #7…..Top Ten ways to season frozen hash

 #6…..Top Ten reasons Randy doesn’t like trains

 #5…..Top Ten disagreements Randy has with deer and dogs

 #4….Top Ten reasons some folks didn’t watch the Super Bowl.

  #3….Top Ten reasons Randy Stevens doesn’t like Soccer

 #2….Top Ten reasons WLBG no longer has a Station Van.

 #1….Top Ten thoughts going through a pig’s brain during a 30-minute orgasm

10. Pigs are only pigs until the reach 240 lbs. After that, they are hogs. I’m not going to say anything else about that, another 35 pounds and I might be called a hog also.

9. President Harry Truman said “No man should be allowed to be President who does not understand hogs.”

8. Hernando DeSoto brought the first pig to the new world in 1539. Christopher Columbus tried to bring one in 1492, but they decided to have a pig picking instead.

7. Female pigs, also known as sows, can have as many as 12 piglets at a time. I believe some of them would have to share a place at mommas lunch bucket.

6. The Chinese were the first to raise wild pigs for food about 6000 years ago. They could prepare one in “about 10 minutes”.

5. On Manhattan Island, hogs rampaged through the grain fields until farmers built a wall to keep them out. The street that ran along this wall was called Wall Street. Maybe when should put the wall up again to keep the hogs in.

4. Some hog producers put rings in the noses of pigs to keep them from rooting in the mud. I wonder why young folks have them?

3. During the war of 1812, a pork producer named Uncle Sam Wilson shipped barrels of pork to the troops. The barrels were stamped US. That where Uncle Sam came from.

2. Hogs are a source of over 40 drugs and pharmaceuticals. They are also useful for fertilizing recreational drugs.

1. Giving birth to baby pigs is called farrowing. Two pigs procreating is called “Making Bacon.”

10. I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~ Adlai Stevenson

9. Politics is the gentle art by which politicians obtain campaign contributions from rich people and votes from poor people with the premise of protecting each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer (American Socialist)

8. Politicians are people who when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~ John Quinton (Author)

7. When I was a boy, I was told anyone could become President. Now I am beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow

6. Why pay money to have your family tree traced, just go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~Author Unknown

5. If we got one tenth of what we were promised in these acceptance speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers

4. Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~ Plato

3. Instead of giving politicians the key to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~Doug Larson (newspaper columnist)

2. If God had of wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates, ~ Jay Leno

1. I think it’s about time we voted for candidates with breasts. After all, we’ve been voting for boobs long enough. ~Clarie Sargent (Arizona Senatorial candidate.