10. If you flush your left over fertility drugs, the deer population would explode after they drank the water. We already have enough road obstacles.

9. Viagra. Your grass would want to stand up too much. But, only for 4 hours or less at a time.

8. Male hormones. If that stuff got in Lake Greenwood, we would see big female Bass with hair on their face.

7. Lasix. If that stuff got in the water supply, lines at restrooms would get long and sales of Depends would go crazy.

6. Ritalin. Well, at least everyone would start paying attention for a change.

5. Pain medication like Lortabs. If enough of these got in the water, does that mean your pain in the ass would disappear?

4. Ativan. That’s one of those calm you down drugs. No, that would take all the fun out of our morning news if nobody keyed a car of threw some frozen hash.

3. Ambien or other sleep drugs. All these folks who wander the streets all night and get in trouble would be asleep. Shoot, it might even help a Meth head take a nap.

2. Tylenol. No actually that would be a good one to flush. You would never ever hear again, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache”.

1. Sodium Pentathlon, AKA truth serum. Well it is political season. Do you think anybody would bother to vote if all the politicians told the truth. Of course we might make them mad when we told them what we really thought of them too.

#10… Son of a……Gun.   

 #9 … Some folks who know they’re about to break bad with the G.D. expression are able to soften it to “Gosh Darn.”  (or Galll Dang)

 #8 …When folks who live in the little town of Effin, Ireland are on Facebook and someone asks where they’re from, they just use the name of any other town that’s close by. I wonder what the people of Effingham,SC, say instead of their town name.

#7 … Freaking.

 #6 …I don’t give a flip! 

#5… Some folks are able to quickly convert that terrible “S” word into Shoot!

#4 …“GOT…..to be more careful.” 

#3 …When questioning whether someone had a bodily function where the proper word to describe it just escapes the moment, some just ask “Did you have an action?”

#2 … Instead of using ugly words to talk about sexual intimacies, you can always use Sherman Klump’s Grandma’s favorite: Relations. “Sherman, are you having relations with that pretty girl?”

# 1 … Words like Darn and Dang and Dog-gone are successfully substituted for the “D” cuss word. Of course, when fish bump into a concrete wall, they’re excused for saying “Dam.”

10. Glen Beck. I know he is always shouting the gloom and doom, but at least someone may listen to him then.

9. Andre Bauer. No, the first time he picked up a radio and  said  USA 2, someone would think he was a terrorist.

8. Governor Chris Christy. No, the national debt is bad enough now, we can’t afford to feed him.

7. Bill Clinton. We are talking about the Vice President. We all know his record with vice.

6. Our on Sheriff Chastain. No, the lawsuits would just help add more to our national debt.

5. Former Governor Mark Sanford. No, we don’t have enough Secret Service agents in good enough shape to hike the Appalican trail.

4. Representative Joe Wilson. No, because when someone lies, he would actually tell them and when know you can’t do that.

3. Alvin Greene. We know he has enough Political Power to win some votes, if you can keep him out of libraries long enough.

2. Former Lt Governor Sam Ard. Maybe that would work; we know how he likes to stimulate the economy…..with campaign funds.

1. Thomas Ravenal. No he would use up too much jet fuel flying back and forth to Columbia. Not the city, the country. Fly down and really fly back.

10. What about a short circuit. That could be real interesting. Might make you tingle in all sorts of places.

9. You wouldn’t have to worry if you were doing a good job. You know they would always fake it.

8. Your robot could be custom made. One size might not work for everyone. Especially someone well-endowed like me

7. Instead of bringing flowers and candy to your robot, your robot would love to have batteries. They like lithium ion best.

6. These robots will have no voice capabilities. Why would a man pay for that option? If you wanted that, just get married.

5. One available option will be the ability to fetch important things. You know, like beer and pretzels. Remember they can’t fuss, no voice.

4. If you have stock in the company that makes Tylenol, sell it now. A robot would never tell you it has a headache.

3. The next sexually transmitted diseases will be called “corroded circuits”, and “rust stain”.

2. Some male tester say the robots are actually better than women. They actually move.

1. The GSA just placed a large order for the new robots for the Secret Service. The company wanted a lot of money for the robots, but the Secret Service would only pay 10% of the asking price.

#10…Conversate – Recognized in some dictionaries as a word used in some circles instead of the word converse, meaning to have a conversation.

 #9 … Mash – This means to crush, to reduce to a soft, pulpy mass, and sometimes a noun describing a mixture of items that have been mashed together.  It’s frequently used around our area to tell someone to “mash” a computer key or an elevator button, which is requesting extremely too much force for such devices.

 #8 … Fruitation – invented by some folks who are trying to say something has come to fruition. (attainment of something desired)

 #7 …. Geeet Yet? 

 #6 … Yont to?  It’s used in the South to inquire if one wants to do something.

 #5… Might Could – When someone is suggesting they may consider doing something, but have very little interest in actually doing it. 

 #4 … Mayonaise – a condiment used on a sandwich. However, here in the south, it’s frequently used as a phrase, such as “Mayonaise they’s a large crowd here.”

 #3 … Baff – You can take it, you can go into it. Such as “I gotta go to the Baff-room.” 

 #2 … Wrench – this is a tool used to tighten and loosen nuts, which are metal objects that hold things in place. Around here, people also use this as a verb, referring to the action of using water for cleansing.

 # 1 …When talking with a beautiful woman who has a wonderful smile, resist the temptation to compliment her on her beautiful “dimples,” lest she not hear you clearly and think you referring to other assets further south.

10. A fire hydrant area. That’s fun to watch all the dogs run around and try to mark every one of them.

9. A slobber slinging contest. All the big jowled dogs like Basset Hounds could see how far they could sling their slobber.

8. A step stool area. This area would be reserved for romanticly inclined dogs regardless of size. With a step stool we might see some new breeds like a graypicahound.

7. A people walking area. Some of these dogs are so big, they just drag you around.

6. An artificial leg area. Think of all the fun the dogs could have without people making them stop humping before they are finished.

5. A behind sniffing area. The dogs would be allowed to roam freely and sniff all the wanted.

4. A face licking area. Humans who are so inclined could have their face licked all they want. I hope they don’t locate this next to the behind sniffing area.

3. A water biteing area. Dogs get to show how intelligent they are by trying to bite the water exiting a garden hose. Some of them will keep it up for hours.

2. A poop hunting contest. Dog owners get to roam a large area with their pooper scoopers and plastic bags looking for hidden poop. The winner receives a gold platted scoop inscribed with “Poop King 2012”.

1. Even though this event is scheduled for Saturday, it should be held on a Wednesday. AKA hump day.

#10…Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about your leaving it down.

 #9 …Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.  

 #8 …Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.  

 #7 … A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.  

 #6 …I am in shape. Round is a shape. 

 #5… If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

 #4 …If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.   

 #3 … Crying is blackmail.  

 #2 …Anything we said six month ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days. 

 # 1 …. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

10. They are more colorful because they are happier. They don’t have to get married.

9. Females don’t like dull. The males have to look better to attract the female’s attention.

8. Females lose focus so quick, you have to have something bold to hold their attention.

7. The females have to be dull to hide and blend in. They just aren’t as strong as males.

6. Females don’t really need to look better than males. All they need to do is make young-uns and baby sit.

5. When males are superior in looks and strength to females, it is called dimorphism. Tell that one to your wife and see what you look like.

4. Because females like flashy mates. Walk into a bar and start waving $100 bills around and see how many mates you attract.

3. So that the all the males don’t look the same. How would the females tell if their mate was sleeping around?

2. How attractive could a female actually be anyway. Look how big their hips get after the first young-un.

1. Even in the human world, men are more attractive. We are just too busy to bother with our hair and putting on all that war paint in the morning.

10. Breaking her momma’s back. Yep, she stepped on a crack.

9. Assault with a once nice weapon. She was old, topless, and one of them swung around and hit someone.

8. Dancing without a pole. If that’s not a crime, it should be.

7. Doing the “Dirty Dog”. I never learned to do it, but it must be bad, because we never got to do it in high school.

6. No business license. Someone stuck a dollar in her waist band. That’s commerce anyway you look at it.

5. Out of date dancing. She had the Pointer Sisters on CD and she was discoing to Neutron Dance.

4. Just plain bad dancing, and it wasn’t orderly. Like the judge told me, if it ain’t orderly, it’s disorderly.

3. She had that disease that should prevent many of us from entering the dance floor…….no ass at all.

2. Belly dancing with a big belly. If that’s not a crime, it should be to watch one of those big, over 200 pound bellies

1. Dancing without a bag. I went to a booby bar, not Elmo’s, where the girls were so ugly they all needed to wear bags.

#10…Sociable:  Joins friends for a trip to the men’s room, whether he had to go or not.

 #9 … Clever: Thinks he’s so clever he doesn’t even use his hands. Fixes his tie, casually looks around the room while engaged. Usually wets the floor at some point. 

 #8 …Frivolous: He plays with the stream, moving up down and around the urinal. He tries to hit flies and other bugs.  

 #7 …Timid: Cannot complete his task while other people are present. Flushes the urinal, leaves to come back later.

 #6 …Efficient: Doesn’t go just to urinate. Waits until he can take care of both matters at the same time. 

 #5…Childish:  Targets the bottom of the urinal. Likes to see it bubble.

 #4 …Athletic: two words, Randy: Distance and accuracy

 #3 …Absent Minded:  Opens his vest, pulls out his tie, then goes in his pants.

 #2 …Fat:  Backs up and takes a blind shot at the urinal. Usually lands in his shoe. 

 # 1 … Drunk: Holds his left thumb in his right hand, then goes in his pants.