10. Dorkings are a very special breed of chicken. One of the oldest chickens domesticated for human use. My question would be, what, other than humans would they be domesticated for ? 

9. Dorkings were developed during the Roman Impire. Guess the Romans fried Christians rather than chickens. 

8. Dorkings are the only breed to have a red earlobe and lays a white egg. I have seen a few young men with red earlobes, but I never saw them lay any color of egg. 

7. Compared to other breeds, the Dorkings have unusually short legs. Sounds like a Dachshund to me, you know the little short legged dogs. 

6. They are considered a heavy fowl, weighing 7 to 8 pounds, and this is with out growth hormones injected. That is a lot of chicken folks ! 

5. Dorking roosters are very mellow and calm. Sounds to me like they been eating the Marijuana plants out back. 

4. These chickens are said to be very sweet fowls. I can see it now, the new chicken restaurant, come on in and enjoy Sweet Fried Dorkings ! 

3. The Dorking hens lay medium size eggs. You would think a chicken that big would lay the extra large eggs. 

2. The Dorking has no feathers on thier legs and also the only chicken with 5 toes. Now, I have seen some men at the malls in their Bahama Mama shorts that had chicken legs and they had 5 toes too !! 

1. Never put a Dorking rooster in the pen with another rooster and hens because the Dorking rooster does his job so well with the hens until it leaves him weak and defenseless against other roosters.

 

 #10… For $5,000 former President Bill Clinton will share a burger with you at McDonalds. (at least if he was already in the neighborhood.)

 #9 … For just $2500, former South Carolina Governor and new Congressional Candidate Mark Sanford will accompany you while hiking two miles on the Appalachian Trail. Talk will be extra.

 #8 … For $15,000, President Bill Clinton would let you ride around Washington with him in a convertible, waving a girls you passed by.

#7 … For only $500, former Vice President Dick Cheney will let you accompany him on a grouse shoot in Texas. For an extra $1,000, he’ll pepper you from a distance with birdshot and you’ll become famous!

 #6 … Did you hear that President Lyndon Baines Johnson would have a drink of liquor with you for only $2,000, as long as you furnished the hooch?. For an extra $3,000, he would let you get your picture taken with him standing beside you with his hand on your shoulder, as if he were conversing with you.

 #5  …We understand that Representative Joe Wilson will promise not to yell out “you lie,” provided you pay him $10,000 before the speech begins. 

 #4 … For $500 former State Senator Jake Knotts will come speak to your church group about the ethics of politics. For another $250, he’ll give his own personal testimony and will refrain from using the term ‘towel head.’ 

 #3 …For $2,000, First Lady Barbara Bush would like you pet her dog, Millie. For an extra $500, you could have your picture made petty Millie. Such a sweet dog.

 #2 … We understand President Obama is going to rent out some of his security detail. We understand that Snoop Dog has been using a couple of them for only $20,000 a day. And this is open to the public. Have you had any threats, lately?

 # 1 … Some folks don’t realize there are special closets near the main entry way into the White House. And for only $1,000, you can spend an exciting 15 minutes in one all by yourself. You’ll get a Certificate of Authenticity of your special time in the President’s Closet.

#10…Playing Bingo, as long as no one starts ‘face-mushing.’ 

#9 … Staying inside with someone special and doing the ‘wild monkey dance.’ 

#8 … It would be a good day for me to reorganize my National Geographic Collection. 

#7 …It’s a good day for Wyatt to stay home and reorganize his gun collection.  

#6 … Use guys could invite a bevy of beautiful NFL cheerleaders over to sit around and….discuss our Sunday School lesson….maybe play ‘go fish’…or maybe strip poker if they insist. 

#5  …Its a good day to start your spring garden, getting your tomatoes started in cups in the kitchen window. Now, we don’t recommend putting your marijuana plants there, as the Po Po might spot them from the road.  

#4 …It’s a good day to stay inside and teach your little children how to properly speak southern. They need to know how to “mash” a button, “wrench out” their mouth and how to ‘reckon whether’ they want to do something.  

#3 …You know, paint ball in the garage could be a lot of fun today, and you could hide behind the cars to make it harder to be hit. 

#2 … It would be a good day to stay home and watch movies with the kids, except it’s a school day. 

# 1 … You could turn up the heat in the house, then take off your clothes and pretend you’re in a nudist colony.

 #10… If you have a tattoo that states “never settle anything with words that can be settled with a flame-thrower,” then perhaps you have a problem with self-control.

 

#9 …  If you have ever attempted to hire a hit man because of something someone said about your mama, then you may just have a problem with self control.

 

#8 … If you have ever thrown a 20-ounce Wild Cherry Pepsi bottle through the window of a radio station, you may have an issue with self control.

 

#7 …If you have ever expressed your frustration by speaking for eight minutes without using any words other than profanity, you may just have a problem with self control.

 

#6 …If you have ever released your frustrations by throwing a quart of frozen hash at a loved one, you may have an issue with self control. 

 

#5  …If you have ever broken your foot by attempting to kick a smart-aleck cat, but missed and hit your car’s bumper, then you very well may have a problem with self control. 

 

#4 …If you have ever attempted to get a driver’s attention by kicking their door very hard with a steel toed boot, then you, too, may have a problem with self control.

 

#3 …If you have ever bumped another car’s rear bumper, and pushed it past the drive-through window because they were taking too much time putting away their change, you may have a problem with self-control.

 

#2 … If your car has a bumper sticker that says “I have PMS, don’t mess with me,” then you probably have some issues with self control.

 

# 1 …If you have ever been arrested for your alleged involvement in a “Face – Mushing” incident at the Bingo Game, you may a problem with self control.

 

 

 

#10… They could always go fishing. You get a “healthy high” when you pull in a big ole bass, or maybe a string full of crappie. When you get your high from fishing, you don’t loose weight like when you’re doing meth, because you can eat the fish after the fun of catching them. Unless you don’t properly clean the fish.

 

#9 … In the summer, any ‘good ole boy’ worth his salt enjoys ‘noodling’ where they dunk under the muddy water of a farm pond, or maybe Boyd’s Mill Pond, and reach into underwater caves to grab catfish by their bare hands. Takes a real man to do that, Randy!

 

#8 …They can enter a cow milking contest. It’s really rather simple, once you “get the hang” of it. Most cows generally prefer the warm hand Luke approach. You just have to be very careful not to try this with a bull. 

 

#7 … They could study the various meanings of sequestration.

 

#6 …Making old cars run again. There’s even a number of TV shows about people rescuing old cars from junk yards. Think of the all the fund in this and the positive impact this hobby could be!

 

#5  …Have a spitting contest. See which guy can spit the longest distance. I think you get more distance if you’re chewing tobacco. You certainly have more incentive to spit real hard.

 

#4 … Even more manly, have an ultimate urination contest. There are two categories. Distance and Accuracy. We understand this is already a popular event at the Lodge in Joanna late on Saturday nights, especially during Budweiser Fest.

 

#3 … They could get a hobby – like stealing copper from air conditioners.

 

#2 … They could beat up on their wives. There are special t-shirts made for men to wear just for this occasion!

 

# 1 … Guys could go to the Laurens County Dog Pound and play with those cute dogs you’ve been talking about. You know, a dog creates a peaceful feeling that takes away the need for drugs.  Peace & comfort abounds, when you are hugging the hounds.

 by Jan Fullbright

10. What is the road kill I’m going to hit, hope it is not a skunk.

 

 9. If a wasp gets inside my helmet, what do I do. Try to be calm until I can stop, or slap, wave, and scream ?

 

 8. Without my helmet on, how will I explain the bugs in my teeth?

 

 7. If I swerve to miss that deer, will I hit the tree or go in the ditch?

 

  6. When I go over a huge bump in the road and lift my butt up, wonder what the people behind me are thinking?

 

 5. Does this wind suit make me look bigger than I really am?

 

 4. What would happen if I sneeze with this helmet on?

 

 3. Wonder if the biker next to me at this red light heard me expel flatus?.

 

 2. I sure hope the helmet on the red head, on the back of my bike, kept her from absorbing the odor when I expelled flatus.

 

 1. Lord, please don’t let me cough, I forgot I took a laxative last night.

 By Jan Fullbright

10. A vacuum cleaner. She will never forget it and will not let you forget it !

 

 9. A recycled card that you sent to a previous girlfriend.

 

 8. Ladies, do not get him long handled underwear. There ain’t nothing sexy about them !

 

 7. Don’t give her wart remover please ! She will not appreciate it.

 

 6.  A one way bus ticket to Sugar Tit, orPosum Hollar,South Carolina.

 

 5.  Eau De Pizza Hut. If she has to smell like a pizza for you to kiss her, it ain’t gonna happen !

 

 4.  A ring that is one size too small and engraved on the inside with I love you Peggy Sue and her name is not Peggy Sue !

 

 3. Do not give him or her breath mints.

 

 2. Diet pills. You can bet she will not love up to you for that one !

 

 1. Angelo’s male enhancement pills. Instead, give him a magnifying glass and tell him not to use it in the sun.

By Jan Fullbright

 10. If you can lead 20 police cars on a high speed chase and you are only going 35 MPH.

  9. If Dominos Pizza has record deliveries while the high speed chase is going on.

  8. If it’s hot all year round, you have earthquakes a lot and you call your state the shake and bake.

  7. If you can drive downtown and see a woman in hot pants, very scanty top, high heels, and standing on the corner drumming up business, and you wave and say “Hi Mom!”

  6. If you are at the zoo and some idiots are taunting the lions, and one lion jumps the fence and attacks them.

  5. If you are in the Mohave Desert and you see a small stream in the distance, then in one minute you are in a flash flood that washes the road right out from under you.

  4. If you see fuzzy spiders as big as a baseball that can jump 10 feet in the air.

  3. If you see coyotes and buzzards fighting over the same road kill.

  2. If you actually see a roadrunner but don’t see Wily Coyote.

  1. If the city you live in has to shut down all their offices because they don’t have the money to keep them open.

#10… Being a Gigolo (of course, that depends on where you are practicing the art. At some places, they may never notice)

 #9 … Alligator Wrestling

 #8 … Professional Football is Out!  An 85-year-old would get cramps when in the huddle.

 #7 … Being a Sugar Daddy. I know 85 is when some men start to get into this, but, alas, it usually turns out badly for them.

 #6 … Being a Contestant on “Do You Want to Be a Millionaire” is probably going to be too taxing.

 #5 … Morning News reporter for WLBG. I’m some 25 years away, and it’s taking a toll on me, already. 

 #4 …85 is too old to work as an Ice Cream Scooper at Baskin Robbins. Your eye sight is more than a little off by then, and you’d just keep getting your fingers in the ice cream. We don’t even want to know where those fingers have been!

 #3 …An Animal Control Officer. Think about it. When the puppies get loose, at 85, how are you going to catch them! The tail would be wagging the dog!

 #2 …A waiter at Senior Garcia’s. At 85, some folks are unsteady on their feet. We don’t want a waiter dropping hot sauce in our lap!  

 # 1 …Night Watchman. Remember Ira from the Andy Griffith Show? He could sleep through any robbery.

by: Jan

10. Sexually oriented businesses may not open for business on Sundays. (Ord. No. CC-96-016, 11-18-96)

 9. Horses are to wear pants at all times. This is a law in Fountain Inn.

 8. In Spartanburg , eating watermelons in the Magnolia Street cemetery is forbidden.

 7. Any railroad company shall be liable for damages for any horse frightened as a result of the violation of the provisions of this section by any of its employees. SECTION 58-17-3400

 6. It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.

 5. It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.

 4. When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic.

 3. Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks

 2. In Charleston, the Fire Department may blow up your house.

 1. The drinking age on Furman University campus is 60 years old. Furman University was originally a “dry campus”, but recently, condos built for senior citizens were erected on the property, so drinking was allowed, but only for the senior citizens.